Gifts and Signs from the Universe

Yesterday morning before turning on the computer, I was thinking about colour and how important it is to my life. When I wear colour it enhances my mood. I find that different colours create different sensations in heart and spirit. Well, unfortunately, I opened my computer and I was not accepting nor expected that something in the media was bothering me. Yes, I am angry with the wars going on in the world. Yet, I am grateful that Canada opened its doors to the Syrian refugees. That is good.

The story that's hitting home for me is this one. 40 year old woman stabbed another woman in the downtown financial district.

Reason: I knew the 40 year old woman back in high school and she was a kind, loving, and gifted young woman. As I read her story which is similar to my own such as in being in the world of finance and not wanting or feeling like it was working for me. Deep grief hit me.  I felt sadness for the woman who did the stabbing and the woman who died from her wounds yesterday.

I called a trusted friend, Anne James (The Personal Growth Centre), who reminded me to come back to my life. She listened to my feelings of personal disappointment for not speaking up about finding our real voices when we are hurting. She mentioned that she posted this and asked this: "How colourful is your life?" 

Facebook posted from The Personal Growth Centre

Bam! That's what I was thinking about in the morning. That's awesome! I shared with Anne that even my Reiki Master Teacher mentioned years ago to add colour to my wardrobe. It started with my underwear and then to my outer clothes.  I felt wonderful, peaceful, and joyful after thinking and remembering these things.  I thanked Anne and I decided to allow myself to step into my own life and joy again. 

My day turned into a magical experience.  Really!

I had a plan to eat at Annapurna, a vegetarian restaurant, with one of my dearest elder friends, Daya.  We try to meet every other week to catch up and enjoy life together.  I decide that I would wear my green long sleeve shirt, a purple sweater, and my special white to dark pink scarf (I dance with this scarf in nature).  Oh how awesome I am to pull those colours off.

I decided to pull three Ascended Masters cards by Doreen Virtue before head out the door.  I picked "Open your heart to love ~ Jesus", "Purification ~ White Tara", and "You are seeing the situation accurately ~ Horus"  

Okay. Thanks for the information.  I snapped a picture and left them on my laptop.  

My reading from the Ascended Masters by Doreen Virtue, Ph.D.

I was suppose to meet Daya at 11:40am and I was early at the station.  I decided to walk up the street.  I felt a call to walk along a different street and spotted a tree leaning over the sidewalk.  "Hello, dear friend." I said as I touched the tree.  I noticed its serial number 11155 and took a pictures.

Not sure why I wanted these pictures but it felt good.

Casa Collection 11155
Angel Sitting with Head in her Arms -
Stone Optic Light, Height 41 cm

As I'm writing this blog I typed this "11155 angel numbers" in google.  This is what I found here on the right. 

OH my Goodness!  So Cute!

At the restaurant, Daya and I discussed our regular topics of food, health, and relationships.  I even brought up the news story I mentioned above and then how Anne reminded me about the importance of colour.  At that point, Daya hands over a pink, purple, and cream bag.  I knew she was giving me another amazing gift.   Inside the colourful bag were notebooks, again, all full of colour and life.  There were 3 different soft covered notebooks within the “Botanical notebook collections” 1) bright orange with pink, and greenish blue flowers, 2) coral with orange and blueish green flowers and 3) light green with cream, pink, and orange flowers.  Plus there was a spiraled notebook with a hard-covered picture of a bright cardinal perched on tree with pinkish white flowers surrounded by a backdrop of green. On the inside of the hard-covered notebook there are two birds: one perched on the bottom left and the other on the upper right.

Special gifts from my good friend, Daya

Inside the hard-covered notebook
Spring Cardinals by Bradley Jackson

“Oh my goodness!”  I was filled with appreciation and gratitude.  “Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! You have no idea of how important it is for me to see two birds right now.” I said as I bowed by head to her in gratitude.

“I was actually thinking of giving you a plate with two birds side by side,” Daya said with a grin.

Medicine Song Oracle Cards

“Wow. I’ll tell you why it is important to me. Yesterday, I had a call with Brenda MacIntyre, Medicine Song Woman and she did a reading for me.  One card jumped out of her deck and the other one she picked.  The picked card was ‘We are re-awakening – East’ yellow affirmation card with the phrase ‘I am alive.’  The picture is of a purple crane de-attaching from a purple cosmic egg.  The bird is ready to soar and be free.  The card that jumped out of the deck was ‘One door opens – West’ blue visualization card with a picture of a woman voicing herself and speaking to a Thunderbird which clears her path as she speaks her truth.”  I explained to Daya as my heart opened more and more as I spoke.

(Here is a link to these amazing cards: https://medicinesongwoman.com/product/msoc-deck-download )

I'm noticing now that the cards also have matching colour themes of purple, pinks and blue.  Looking back now, I can see the same colours on the bag my friend gave me.  Oh my. This is another magically thing that I didn’t know about until now.)

Throughout our lunch Daya and I laughed and giggled.  There was a moment where Daya had a serious look on her face.  “What? Are you okay?” I questioned her.

“I want to tell you something,” Daya whispered as she put her over her heart. I leaned in to hear her secret. “As I was unboxing the boxes you did for me and I was overjoyed.  I saw the care and love you gave all my precious breakables.  Each time I pulled out an item it was as if I was opening a new present. You placed each item wrapped firmly and safely into the box in different configurations. I am very grateful for all the love and attention you gave them and to me.”

Once more, I bowed my head with appreciation and gratitude.  “You noticed,” as I placed my hands in prayer position between my breasts.  Tears came to both of our eyes.  Daya mirrored me with praying hands and bowed her head.

“Thank you for that. Thank you for you.  You keep forgetting how much love you give to others in all that you do,” she reminded me.  That was an emotionally enriching experience. 

Before leaving the restaurant, Daya connected with a woman while she passed a table.  She ran over to the mini-store picked up something and ran back to other table where the woman was seated.  They seem to be really happy to see each other.  I didn’t want to intrude so I walked over to the mini-store in the corner and picked up a free inspirational card.  “The sincerity of the heart will forever last.” ~ Sri Chinmoy.

(I’ll admit, I didn’t understand what it meant until reading it again today. Oh my goodness.)

After lunch, we took a stroll and Daya mentioned that the woman recognized Daya from her past.  They knew each other over 20 or 30 years ago. The woman makes the angels cards that are on sale in the restaurant.  Wow. That was really cool.  They exchanged phone numbers and will connect very soon.  “How do people recognize me?” Daya asked. 

“It’s your heart. They can feel it.” I smiled at her.

Notice the glasses! Snort!  I get it!  I get it!

As we were walking, I pulled out my cellphone to show Daya photos of my stringed art.  (I didn’t show her the pictures in the restaurant because it is a cellphone free zone and I respect that.) On the street, I shared the story from my blogged from a few days ago. I told Daya I met with Kelly later that week and challenged her to make string art too.  It was a blasted, truly, because I had no idea what Kelly was going to make. 

Daya looked up from the phone and said, “Aren’t you a creative spark?”  She nudged my arm and we continued to walk.

As we walked along our feet took us to a nearby park and we approached a beige bench. On the beige bench there were water droplets.  We both looked up and in the distance on the other side of the park were two benches painted bright blue with white shapes which resembles bubbles or water droplets.  “Let’s go over there” we said in unison.  At that park we noticed how people with dogs were interacting with each other and we chuckled.  “Dog owners always have a way of communicating mainly because they have pets.  Normally people don’t talk with each other,” Daya commented. 

“True, we forget that communication is important in our lives.” I tagged to her comment.  Once more we nodded in agreement.  After a few minutes of chatting she pulled out a flyer to a new market place. “Do you want to go with me?” Daya looked up. I looked at it for a moment, “sure.”

We venture out to a market filled with artisans of different traits: jewelry makers, beauty care products, cookie marker, specialty jams, wood-smiths, and creative photo art.  The list goes on.  I don’t normally buy many items but for some reason I had a push to get homemade specialty chocolate chip cookies, skin cream with sandalwood oil, and apple butter jams.  (Some of these are gifts for people I know.  Hopefully they will not realize it as they read this. Snort!)

Cora's All-Natural Products

When I purchased the skin cream, the woman behind the counter asked me to wait a moment.  “You’re our first customer for today I am giving you a free sample of a luxury dry face wash.” 

“Wow, really?” I don’t purchase specialty products often.  “Thank you very much.  I really appreciate it.”  ‘That’s a bonus,’ I thought to myself, ‘I didn’t expect that.’

The afternoon was passing by and we both needed to get moving.  We stopped into a health food store and she purchased a few items.  We decided to part ways at the subway station.  In the station, I asked Daya to take a few pictures so that I can share my new colourful bag.  “Look, it matches my scarf.”  I smiled ear to ear.  After a few shots with the cellphone she hugged me, “You better send me one,” she said waving goodbye.

“Thanks for today!  I love you!  Get home safely.” we both said the same thing to each other waving farewell.  I walked down the subway stairs and decided to go pick up gifts at a different location. 

Once I arrived at Jane station,  I decided to forget the other gifts and walk towards the Humber River. Along my walk I felt a soft knowing which lead me to a street with a large ascended staircase. Really, I don’t want to walk up there.  Yet, deep inside me I knew I was supposed to go that way.  I did pause a few times along the way to catch my breath.  At the top of the concrete staircase was a street library box.  Oh I love these libraries. 

This is what they look like
but it's not the one I visited.

I looked inside and felt drawn to one book.  I pulled it out, Souls on Fire - Portraits and Legends of Hasidic Master by Elie Wiesel. There was a round circle on cover that said, Winner of the 1996 Nobel Peace Prize.  Cool.  Okay. I didn’t really understand what it meant.  I flipped through the book.  I thought, ‘it doesn’t really give me any insights at the time.” Plus the print was really small.  Nothing jumped out of the book. “I need my glasses to read this.” I said aloud. I was planning on taking the book but I read on the street library box, “Take one. Leave one.”  I didn’t have a book to return to the box.  So I decided to walk away.  I walked down the street and then left along another one.  I felt pulled to make another left at the next street.  I ended up at the bottom of the concrete staircase.  ‘I don’t want to walk up there again. I’ll take a note of the title of the book in my mind.’ I thought to myself.

Cover of the book I found in the street library.

Little did I know the importance of the book until now?! As I am looking at the description on the website, especially as I interpret it as a series of stories that a mystic shares through personal experiences.  Oh my goodness.  Here is the link to the book. http://www.amazon.com/Souls-Fire-Portraits-Legends-Hasidic/dp/067144171X  

Gosh, I turned down another gift from the universe when I walked away from the street library box empty handed.  I believe I do that often. Note to self: Accept gifts from the universe.

Well back to my day, I walked away from the staircase and made my way to the Humber River and the bridge to the Old Mill Inn. The sun was kissing the treetops and I snapped a few pictures of the magical river and surrounding area.  

The view from the bridge was amazing. At that moment, I received a text from my boyfriend, Tom, explaining that his plans for the weekend and upcoming week has changed. He will be home around 6. “Okay,” I texted back.

It was only 3:30 pm, the day was passing and the light was fading.  I needed to use the washroom and decided to go to the Old Mill Inn.  I wanted to have tea and rest my feet.  During the day they have what I thought was a café.  Ha… I was informed that they serve High Tea.  “Sure, I’ll have a tea and a piece of cake,” I said to the waitress.  I followed the waitress to the Tea Room. There were groups of 3, 5, 7 and 9 seated around tables.  On the tables were brass or golden plated serving trays with three layers.  ‘Oh, high tea with cucumber sandwiches, pastries, biscuits and chocolate covered strawberries.’  I realized what I was getting myself into.  I was seated in the corner with a nicely decorated table and everything was placed in the right location: a spoon place above the small plate with the knife on the right and then fork on the left.  Also on the table was a pretty pink and cream poinsettia in a green pot.  

This is the type of poinsettia I had on the table.

I touched the petals lovingly and smiled to myself.  On the small plate was a box of Old Mill Centennial Tea.  

I overheard a waitress say to another table as she was handing them their boxes, “This is a gift to you from the hotel because we are celebrating our 100th year anniversary.” Oh sweet.

I looked at the menu without my glasses I said, “I’ll have the Old Mill Centennial Tea (which is Earl Grey with a hint of Jasmine).  But I really don’t know if I can eat all of the food on those plates.” I looked up at my waiter.  He smiled at me, “Don’t worry I’ll only put one of each on yours.” I looked down shyly. 

After the items came to my table, I grinned even more.  Wow, it’s so beautiful.  I didn’t want to take any pictures because I was alone.  I remembered at that moment I had to go to the washroom.  I asked a different waitress where the facilities were and I sneaked out of the tea room do the deed. Once I arrived back at the table, I took my time snacking on all the goodies.   I couldn’t resist taking a picture of the tuxedo dressed strawberry.  As I snapped the shot, I felt a kiss on my face.  I swear that my decreased mother was kissing me.  I started to tear up.  I always wanted to go with my mother when she was alive.  We talked about it over the years but we never made it out.

I texted Daya the picture from the subway and of the strawberry. I told her that I believe my mother was gifting me with all these beautiful things during High Tea.  How I felt her kiss my face like she did when I was a child.  My friend text back, “that is precious.”

I finished my tea and asked for the bill.  “$28.20, Oh my goodness!  I just spent how much on tea and snacks?”  I looked into my wallet and knew I had enough money to cover it, but to tell Tom what I spent. Ouch.  I became angry with myself, ‘what was I thinking?’  I pulled out the cash and realized I still need to leave a tip.  The waiters and waitresses were so good to me.  They were kind and attentive.  They treated me with respect and I swear they knew it was my first time at the Old Mill’s High Tea.  I decided to leave $37 on the table for them.  Off I went with a smile and a little bit of hint of ‘what did I just do?’

Outside it was a bit chilling and I looked at my cellphone.  It’s 4:15 pm.  ‘I can walk home through the woods,’ I thought joyously.  The thoughts of the cost ran through my mind.  I grabbed my cell to call my childhood friend, Leslie.  We had a plan to meet on Monday.  As I was leaving the message to her walking swiftly through the dark woods, I was crying and trying to justify the cost of High Tea.  I explained that I used the money she transferred for payment for a dress she purchased from me.  I also mentioned that felt my mother kiss me.  As I was crying on the phone, I came across a tree near a bench.  I looked closer through the darkness and there was a white feather pushed into the bark of the tree.  “Oh my goodness, there is a sign that everything is as it should be.” I said into the phone before hanging up.

 

I decided to take pictures of the white feather on the tree.  

I sing to trees.  I dance around trees.  I love trees.  Lately, I’ve been writing, drawing, and posting about trees.  

I even told people about the tree guardians.   I must be doing something right.

A tree guardian

I was hit with a major sense of love and appreciation.  I walked away from the tree along the dark path.  

I drew a pattern of a tree healing and dance I did last spring.

I made it to the open field down by King’s Mill Park.  “What can I do now? How can I show my appreciation for all that happened today?” I said aloud.

I heard, “sing.”  So I sang in the darkness with my arms held out wide.  The sound carried over the field and to the trees.  I spun around and sang to the river.  Again the sound carried across the river to the trees.  I was full of gratitude.  I bowed to the trees and thanked the stars for the gifts for the day.  I finally made it home.

I arrived after 5:30 pm just in time to start dinner before my partner would get in. I opened the door and my son was making chickpeas with garlic and thyme.  It smelt amazing.  I looked down at the boot tray. Oh Tom’s boots were there.  I shouted out to my son, “is it already 6?” 

“Yep. I was hungry so I decided to make something for myself.” He peek his head out of the kitchen.

“That smells amazing,” I answered back.

Tom came out of the bathroom dressed and smiles, “Hey there, I wasn’t sure when you were going to be home.”

“Oh, you got home early.  I though you said 6 pm. It’s only 5:30 pm.” I answered as I leaned into kiss him.

“Yes, I told you I would be home around 5 pm,” he stated giggling to himself, “I just thought you would be home later because you were with your friend.” 

“Oh. I swear it said 6 pm.  I really need to wear glasses more.”  I answered.  Snort!

“I was going to heat up leftovers. Let’s eat I’m hungry.” Tom guided me into the kitchen.

I looked at him with deeply concerned eyes, “I just spent a ridiculous amount of money on High Tea.”  Then I shared the story about my mom and high tea.

He kissed me and laughed.  “Don’t worry about it, honey.”

Throughout the evening, we exchanged more stories of our days.  We laughed at how the universe guides us no matter what we think.  After dinner, I gave my son and Tom the specialty cookies purchased.  The grins on their faces were precious.

After everyone was filled, Tom and I decided to take an evening walk.  Outside as we walked hand and hand, I stopped him.  I looked into his eyes and wholeheartedly thanked him for his love, support, strength, kindness, humour, sweetness and anything that I could think of.  Tears swelled in both of our eyes followed by a tender kiss. We released each other slowly and walked hand and hand to the wooded area.  We chatted more about life, giggled and carried on like two love birds.  It was a sweet day.  I am so grateful that I decided to make it that way. 

Plus, I really need to wear my glasses.  How many more messages do I need from the universe in order to get the message? Snort!  

Here I am wearing my glasses after writing for hours. Yes, I can see better with them.  Snort! 

My son also confirmed as he walked in the door this afternoon, “That’s the mom I recognize. Thank goodness you’re wearing your glasses.”  Snort! Okay, Okay.  I know wear my glasses more.  

Thanks for all the gifts and signs from the universe!

Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!

Where Are You From?

"Where are you from?" the questioner asks.

“I am from my mother,” I answer.

“No,” the questioner states, “No, where are you from? Where are your parents from?”

“Oh my answer does not suffice?  Let me set you right.

As I stand before you, I do not know all that you ask.  My mother was adopted and based on retold stories, this is what I know.  My mother’s mother was Irish.  Her father may be a Romanian Gypsy Jew.  Or another story includes Polish too.

Now with my father, again, the truth is not so clear.  My father’s mother was from the mountains of China.  Her mother was a Chinese Gypsy.  Her father was dark skinned, known as black.  His origin is not solid as well.  We believe his roots traces back to some part of Africa.  As for my father’s father, he was born in a place known as B.C. The story is: he was French and First Nations as known as Metis.

So based on all of these, I am of my mother can’t you see.  My birth mother is a human being.  

Therefore, I am a human being of Earth. 

I stand before you of this Earth. Like my mother and father, I am the same as you.  I am a being of Mother Earth.

Does the answer fit your needs? If not, let me be.

I will continue to say this. I am of that called Mother Earth.  I am water. I am air. I am fire and I am earth: all the same of the Mother Earth.  I am the same as you.  I am a being of Earth.

Are you confused by my answer?

Let me further clarify and unearth the truth to satisfy you for what it’s worth.

After creating my ancestral tree which came before me are at my feet. I looked to my body. I am these hands of flesh. I am these feet as to where I stand.  I am the reflection that I see in your eyes as you look at me.  I am this voice, sometimes strong and sometimes weak.  I am solid therefore I am of this Earth.

I am from Mother Earth.  I am the same as you.

Based on my skin light olive to white; based on my eyes that shift from green, gold, and brown; based on my hair that curls when soaked, I am still from the Earth.

I am from all the colours of the indigenous wheel: Red, White, Black, and Yellow.  I am of all these, therefore I claim that I originate from the Earth.

At this time I will also say that my origin is of the day: the sun that lights my way.  I am also that of the night when darkness comes to steal my sight.

I am of the Earth rooted with my feet and breath. I am seeded here as you can see.  I remain with the fact that I am of Mother Earth. I am the same as thee.

My spirit is different than yours, could that be? Yet love is within you and me.

So different is not true, we are still the same, can’t you see.  I am from my mother.  I will call her, Mother Earth.

My Father is that of the sky which is within the sparkle of my eyes; all that is seen and unseen; all that is within me.  I am from that of which dreams.”

Changes

What is the definition of change? 

The dictionary states: to make or become different.  

That doesn’t sound so bad.  I’ve made changes like cutting my hip length hair to a boy’s cut.  Now that was a big change.  I’ve done it a few times in my life, where I needed a dramatic change immediately.  It’s seemed to do the trick.  I had a new identity for months.  I couldn’t hide my face anymore behind my hair.

Change comes in many forms like using different toothpaste, or making a shift in the type of work you do.  Some changes or differences can cause some discomfort.  Some changes or differences can also create great joy and excited.  It all depends on how you view the difference in comparison to the familiar.

I’m certainly one to talk because changes make me nervous.  I wish I would be more excited than nervous.  I do like to shock people with my differences but I first need to get over the initial jump before they do.  Oh, it’s certainly something to come home with a nipple piercing and brag about the event.  Yep, I did all those things as a 20 year-old young mom.  I needed newness in my life and that did the trick.  I noticed that I used the phrase “did the trick” or “do the trick” as if a little song and dance would make life all better.  What actually happened after cutting my hair or getting a piercing?  Well, it was a temporary novelty in my life.  I wanted my long locks back and the piercing was irritating. 

What was the point?  The first time I cut my long hair, I was a young mom with twin boys that pulled at my curls.  They needed something to hold and they would unknowingly yank the roots out of my scalp.  “Ouchy.”  I needed to cut my hair.  It made life easier for me to hold my boys and I didn’t need to worry about losing anymore strands.  The second time I cut my long hair, I was unhappy with my life.  My work was not fulfilling. My love life was falling apart. I wanted to let go of all the things that was stressing me out so I cut my hair.  It was the first step to letting go.  My hair represented years of growth.  So dropping the locks helped.

Of course cutting my hair is not always the type of change that I would encounter. I dealt with changes or differences in other ways. Let me see if I can recall another type of change that was noticeable from the outside world.  Hmmmm… I left my 13-year relationship, sold our house, and moved out with my twins into a three bedrooms apartment without telling most of my family what I was doing.  That was shocker to the world around me.  I didn’t discuss it with others. I finally made a decision, planned, and initiated the change or again “difference.”  That was something.  I wonder how that shift really manifested itself.  It was a transformation.  Yes, it was challenging but it was also something that I needed at the time.

There are pending changes that are coming up in my life right now.  Actually, this year I’ve had a number of huge shifts already.  Some circumstances that I knew were coming and did nothing about it. Then again, I made a number of adjustments where I decided on a new direction.  Now that’s empowering.  It’s all about making a conscious decision by weighing my needs, desires, and the issues at hand.  I realized that I sometimes over analyze situations and forget about my true feelings.  I’ve valued certain thoughts with a higher view than my feelings and I became stuck within indecision.  This can be my kryptonite. Oh, the stage where I become 'paralysed by analyzes' (a phrase that a good friend pinpointed right away). It’s a place where I look right, then left, then up, and down.  I start all over again, by looking up, right, left, and down.  My thoughts spin and my breath shortens.  I decide to touch my toes, and if I could I would like to suck them. But alas, that’s not productive.  I do whatever I can to avoid my feelings that are telling me I need to make a positive change, adjustment, or a transformation.  What do I do then?  I go outside.  I remember my breath.  I start to pray.  I take a shower.  I create art.  I cry.  That’s when all of the above actually brings me closer to understanding my needs.  I take a break to know myself which lead me to more changes.

Thank goodness for changes because without them life would be dull.

(This piece was written back in 2014.  I'm sharing it now because change is constantly happening in my life and it is healing to sharing it.)

That Soft Little Voice

It was a cool autumn day, and I felt sad, defeated and like the sky; cloudy.  I didn't want to do anything.  Yet, I had an urge to go outside.  I reluctantly put on my green jean coat. I tied my hair up, grabbed a water bottle, and tucked my metro pass in my back pocket. Then I finally exited the apartment.

The world seemed grey and miserable, and I wasn't feeling good about anything.   It was one of those days where I wished I could do something fun, like play with a friend in the sand or fly a kite.  Unfortunately, my friends were not available and I didn't have a kite.  I was only going for a walk. I looked up at the sky and it was bleak.  ‘Oh.., what to do?’  I wondered to myself as my mood was low.  I continued to walk.

I didn't know where I was going.  I just felt the urge to be outside. With each step, my mind was telling me to go home but my body and feet moved forward.  ‘What am I doing? I don’t have a job, the kids are at school and my bank account is almost empty.’  Then I heard a soft little voice, ‘Just walk.’  So, I did.

I started to notice the birds in the sky.  They didn't seem to care that the sun was hiding. In spite of everything, they continued flying to and fro.  The trees around me seemed to be relaxed and calm while inside me I felt impatient and grasping for some type of stimulus.  Again, I heard, ‘Just walk.’

I was walking fast, even though I did not know where I was going.  I felt strange and full of conflicting emotions.  I became aware of my pace and slowed to a complete stop.  I looked at my blue Nike shoes and their baby blue shoe laces.  The colour appeared to stand out, but within me I continued to feel a dull grey.

I looked up and people around me were moving fast.  ‘So, this is how we are? Oh.., that’s sad.’  I felt disconnected from the world.  Then, I spotted some children excited about going to the park.  ‘Just walk,’ I heard it again.  Thoughts of the lake drifted into my mind as it is my favourite place to be. I become calm when the waves kiss the shore line.  I finally had a destination.  ‘I’m going to the beach. But, I’m going by myself,’ I sighed. ‘Just walk,’ the voice was louder and clearer.  The beach was about 20 minutes away and I decided I rather take the bus which stopped 5 feet ahead of me.  I missed it because I wasn't fast enough.  ‘I guess I’ll be walking,’ I finally snorted.  My mood changed ever so slowly.

Along the street there were trees with dark brown leaves waiting to fall to the ground.  I stopped and touched the tree trunks and started to smile. I said, “Hi” to some of the trees.  With each tree, I stayed a little longer with it and I felt peaceful and grateful.  My eyes swelled with tears.  I felt loved, and my mood shifted.  I felt a little colour touched my cheeks, and the grey was fading.  I resumed walking with my head up and I felt each step with more awareness.  The wind was picking up and I was getting cold.  ‘I don’t want to go to the beach if I’m cold,’ I thought.  ‘Just walk,’ the voice said once again.  ‘Fine,’ I seemed to be having a conversation with two parts of myself.

I arrived at the beach and strolled along the boardwalk.  The grey clouds were rolling and I didn't know what I was doing.  I didn't want to be close to the water, especially since, I forgot my gloves.  ‘Just walk,’ so I put my hands in my pockets.  From a distance, I saw how the waves were slightly chopping and on the beach the seagulls were testing their wings as they rose from the ground to glide in the air.  ‘That’s cool.’ I thought.  ‘Just walk,’ I heard again.

On the sand, there were reddish brown fences and it was clear that the beach was already prepared for the upcoming winter.  There were people walking their dogs and some were playing fetch.  ‘I don’t want a dog. I love my cat.’ I thought.  Once more I heard, ‘Just walk.’  I decide to go to my favourite sitting area and passed the volleyball posts.  I passed the park where my children played and I felt sad again.  At this location, the boardwalk was further from the water and there was a path with trees and grass on either side.  I became frustrated and cold.  I walked for more than an hour and a half.  I was close to my favourite rocks but I didn't want to go there. I stopped and raised my arms in the air, “I’m at the beach, God, what do you want me to do?”  That’s when the voice said, ‘now, go on to the sand.’  

“Really? Now? I have to cross through the trees to get to the beach.”

“Just walk,” the same phrase came again. I shook my head nevertheless I walked.

I passed through the trees and a few spider webs but nothing was truly blocking my way.  Once I approached the sand, the rows of reddish brown fences were in the way. As I came upon a fence, I found an entrance to move further onto the beach without climbing over anything.  I looked up at the sky and it was still grey.  I noticed that the wind was getting stronger.  In the distance, I spotted an object on the sand.  It was large bag lying out in the open.  As I approached the object, I realized it was a bag of beach toys with various items scattered around.  I edged closer and I tapped the bag with my shoe.  I scanned the area to see if someone forgot it.  There was no one in sight.  I was surprised because there were enough toys for 20 people to play.  There were beach balls, badminton rackets with birds, freebies, baseballs, footballs and kites.  “Really,” I said aloud.

Again, I looked around ‘Is someone filming me? Am I on some kind of weird show?’  I didn't know what to do.  I tapped the bag once more with my shoe.  I found 5 kites in the bag.  The strings were broken but I knew I could fix them.  ‘Okay, I’ll play with a kite.’  I picked it up and tied knots along the broken string and began to lift the kite to the sky.  But first I scanned the beach again. ‘No one is watching. I’m safe.’ The wind was on my side as I lift the kite to the sky.  Up the kite flew.  I felt free and started to laugh and I began to sing.  ‘This is really something.’

There was a butterfly pattern on the kite and in the air it floated gracefully.  My heart released more and more.  “This is really happening. I am flying a kite.”  I moved around the beach with easy and giggled to myself.  I played for more than 20 minutes.

Suddenly, I became self-conscious about playing.  ‘I need to look for a job,’ I heard this other voice.  The wind dropped and the kite fell to the ground.  “Oh.” My mood changed completely.  I pleaded with the wind to rise again.  The kite lifted and dropped immediately.  “It’s over.”  I looked at the bag of toys and put the kite back.  Nothing else seemed appealing to me.  My time on the beach was done.  I didn't know if I “should” move the bag of toys.  Someone else might want to play so I left them there and I turned to return home.

 

A few months later, I remembered the joy of flying a kite so I went in search to possess one of my own.  I found a cute one with smiling hearts.  Each time I flew it, I felt pure joy.  Unfortunately, my kite was destroyer but I have a picture.  Even now, as I am writing this and seeing the smiling hearts, I begin to giggle and it turns into a snort fest of laughter. I never suspected that listening to that soft little voice would lead me to a place of freedom and joy.  Who knows what it’s trying to say now? “Just write,” and so, I am. SNORT!