Friday, July 31, 2015

Go With It

It was one of those regular nights as my partner and I sat down to eat dinner.  We were discussing each other's day, our past and future.  That evening, I could not settle down in my seat to enjoy our food.  He had a long day at work and he wanted to talk about it.  Yet, I was completely distracted by an impulse.  As my partner spoke, all I could feel was a pull to the kitchen.  It was annoying to both of us.  Each time he started to speak. I was being energetically pulled to the kitchen.  I explained to him, that I must figure it out.  I got up and move to the kitchen which was two feet away.  I looked around our tiny space and asked, “What is it?”  We have a steel movable table in our kitchen which we use as a preparation area.  I had to investigate this thing.  There was nothing out of the ordinary going on with this object.  I was not sure why I had to look at it.  I decided to ignore the urge to explore my curiosity. 

My partner continued to talk about his day.  He needed to be heard and although I was trying my hardest to listen I was distracted once again from his story.  My impulse to go to the kitchen was intense.  I put down my fork, and got up again to examine the object.  This time my partner gave up sharing his story.  He surrendered to my impulse to go into the kitchen again.  It was not the first time that something distracted me from eating dinner.  So he let go. 

However, I was frustrated that my intuition was taking me away from eating.  “What is it?”  I got a push to continue to look in that area.  I really did not get it.  I looked at each shelf.  There was a toaster oven that we do not use.  It was old and I did not really used one before.  I was not planning on using it any time soon.  Okay.  So there was a toaster oven.  Big deal!  There was only a bowl on the bottom shelf.  Yes, I love to bake but really, I’m eating dinner.  I’m not going to bake now.  “What is it?”  I looked at my partner and his just continued to eat his dinner.  “Naomi, it’s getting cold.” 

“Yes, I know.  But I must figure this out.”  I looked to the left of the steel table and found some dirt that I missed. Okay, I will need clean that up but I can do that after eating.  I looked to the right of the table.  There was the broom.  It is the tool to clean with.  I get that.  I gave up and sat down at the table.   “Are you finished looking?” my partner raised his eyebrow at me.  I put my head down and then looked up, “No.”  I took a deep breath, stood up, and walked back into the kitchen.

Another deep breath, I bend down to look underneath the steel table.  “Ah ha!  This is it: the white stepping stool!”  I started to laugh wholeheartedly.  “I just heard my mother say if I had one of these, I would have used it all the time with your father.”  “Tom come over here,” I waved at my partner to get up and meet me in the kitchen.  I stood on the stool and I was the same height as Tom.  We embraced and held each other tightly.  We both laughed and cried.  My mother died a few months ago and it was a relief to get that message from her.  My mom was only 5 foot 2 inches tall where my dad was 6 foot 2 inches.  It was hilarious because Tom is 6 foot 6 inches and I’m about 5 foot 7 inches.  By standing on the stool it made it easier to connect with my honey.  Our hearts were closer and both of us did not need to overstretch to hug or kiss each other. 

It was a sweet moment for us.  I knew that my mother really loved me.  She loved my father.  She loved Tom.  Even after death, she wanted to tell me to be happy and to lighten up.  Also she wanted me to see the humour in life more.  At that moment, she reminded me that sometimes, my partner needs me to be at his level too.

After we held each other, and returned to the table to finish consuming our food, my partner did admit that he needs me to connect with him deeper.  We became closer that night.  I felt a deeper love for myself, him, and my parents.   The best part is that every now and again, one of us pulls out the stool so that we can look each other in the eye and say, “Now that’s the sweet spot.”  

Experiences like this one helps me to remember to 'go with it'.  When I follow my intuition, even when it doesn't make sense.  Most of the time, I find more joy and humour in my life. It also brings me closer to those I love.  So, why not?  Just 'go with it' and experience life as it is.

Friday, July 24, 2015

Exploring Life Through Art

I haven't posted for a while.  My life seems to keep shifting and changing which is a good thing.
I am writing privately about my mother's death but I'm not ready to share openly my feelings or thoughts about it.

However, I do want to share some art that I created since last summer.  I continued to work with pencil crayons and created these two pieces.



Over the months, I found working with soft pastel to be quite fun.  I allowed the colours to flow and I created this.


I decided to try using darker colours.  I moved quickly with this piece and it formed into something I did not expect.

Couples Dance
After creating the two piece above, I try to consciously create flames.  I had no idea how it would work.  I added layers of orange, red, and yellow.  Once I stared into the flames, I saw a pair of kind eyes coming out of them.  That's why I drew eyes in the picture.  When I stared at the piece after it was done, I felt overwhelmed with emotions.  I could not look at it for the longest time.  It was too surreal.  I realized later that it was about passion with compassion, life force and love. 

Compassionate Eyes

Weeks went by and I focused on studying Life Skills Coaching. After a week of intense learning, I took time to do more art.  This was created.

Removing the Clutter

During the Fall of 2014, I attended a college program and had no time to do any personal writing or art work.  I focused on the studies where most of my writing was geared to assignments or presentations.  Of course I wrote in my journal but that's for me. 

On January 11th, 2015, my mother passed away.  At my mother's funeral, I sang a song I wrote back in 2014, "Watching Over You". (Again, this is all I want to share about mom's death at this time.)

Weeks after my mom's death, I pulled out the art supplies and went to work.  This piece took time to create.  At first, I thought I was creating a peacock yet something else emerged.

Eyes on You

At the end of the January, I was debating continuing my classes. I was not sure if it was the right direction for me.  I decided to stay on course.  I wrote in my journal during that time.  I wanted to make a tree that shown my roots and new directions.  I found that my art decided to morph into something else.  Whenever I create art, morphing art normally happens.

Untitled Piece

I have more art pieces that I created during that time but they are not completed or do I want to share them at this time.

In July, I started to do art work again, which I want to share.  I found that nature really calls out to me.  I had some amazing experiences with dragonflies and wanted to draw one.  This is what was created instead.


Recently, I visited the Petroglyphs Provincial Park where I saw two feminine symbols that inspired me. This piece below is my most recent creation.

Taking Root

I'm sure there will be more to come, until time next.  Much love!