Beating of the Drum

One morning, I woke to the sound of drumming.  It was deep within my spirit.  I had this amazing surge of energy.  I danced and moved freely and openly.  I took an African dancing class when I was a teenager and all the movements of that experience flowed through me.  Joy was bursting out of every cell.  The experience was like no other I can express.

After my beautiful experience of spiritual dancing and a racing heart I needed to become aware of my physical body and surroundings, even though dancing is completely a physical act.  I had arranged two separate meetings with two men I met through a group about love and community.  The meaning of LOVE in a sense of DIVINE LOVE, which to me is AGAPE or METTA.  I’ve already spent time with these guys in other settings before and they agreed to share their personal time with me.

The first meeting, with one of them, we arranged  an exchange of a services, a massage for an energy healing session.  The second meeting was a family dinner, he was bringing his wife and daughter and I was hoping to bring my 16-year old twins.  I was pumped because I felt a great connection with both of these men.   As the day went on, I was getting really stressed out.  I couldn’t figure out what to wear.  I had no clue why I was feeling that way.  I decided on a dress that I felt like a goddess in. Hey, why not?  Right!  It was made of cotton with earthly tones and colours. 

Before heading out for the day, I checked my emails to confirm if everything was on schedule.  I felt there might be a few changes but my messages didn’t indicate otherwise.  I left some money on the table for my twins to have pizza for dinner because they were not interested in share a night with people they did know.   They expressed their feeling as they went to school that morning.

The meetings were on the other side of the city and I travel by TTC.   I was excited and also nervous about my first meeting because I realized on the subway that I actually liked this guy.  After I realized that I had to play it “cool”.  I didn’t want to let him know that I was interested in anything more than an exchange of services because that would be wrong, right?! (Don’t answer that question.)  I’m not good at acting cool.  My natural state of being is playful and light, so trying to act “cool” I became stuffy and stiff.  I needed a massage for sure. 

Our greeting was as usual, we hugged and we had to decide who was being treated first.  I knew, he noticed I was acting strange but he didn’t ask why I was behaving oddly, compared to my regular oddness. WELL!  I was not going on the table first.  NO WAY.  We planned a two hour exchange so each of us had one hour on the table.  So, he was first on the table - with clothes on. 

I prepared for a regular healing session, meaning that I did only healing energy work.  I placed my healing cap on which is my innate nature.  Through the sessions, I called upon all healing energies to help me.  There were blockages around his heart and lower chakras.  At one point, I saw him as a little boy playing ball with his brother and the joy and love was overwhelming yet very peaceful.  When the session was done he stated that he felt more grounded. 

Well, it was my turn and I wanted to run away, because I was nervous and thought, ‘what am I doing?’  I had to take off my dress, oh man.  I knew that he would be completely professional because that’s what he does.  He asked all the questions that massage therapist do.  Yet, I felt some where more personal that others.  With his training he noticed that the alignment with my neck was off.  So that would be the focus of the session. 

It was time for me to get on the table.  A number of deep breaths helped and I relaxed.  He did a great job and there was only two embarrassing moments for me.  One where I let out of an audible, let me call it - a sigh.  The other was when I started to giggled.  Well the giggle caught his attention because I started to wiggle.  His questioned, “what’s going on?” I told him I was thinking of a cat getting their neck stroked and I started to chuckle.  “Okay,” he said, as if it was nothing and continuing working my neck.  (Side note, the first time I had a facial, I laughed because the woman was slapping my face, okay tapping it. ‘Why in the world was I paying someone to slap me.’ It still makes me laugh today.) The session was over.  I felt a major difference in my neck and back.  “Thanks, man” was my comment to him.  I didn’t want to stick around to talk much more because ...  well, because!  I made my way out of there quickly and again I was playing it “cool.”

I had over an hour until my next meeting.  I sat in a beautiful park and asked myself a few questions of why I really arranged that meeting and what was I truly feeling.  I couldn’t be honest with myself at the time.  I drifted my attention to the clouds and birds.  I let go of the self judgment and started to sing.

My next meeting, I was at easy.  I was going to meet this guy and his family.  He was bringing his 4-year old daughter.  I haven’t had the joy of spending time with a little girl in ages.  Most of my family and friends have boys.  There is a charm that little girls express at that age and I relate to their innocence.  As I arrived, my friend was sitting alone.  That was interesting and I started to worry, ‘what would we talk about.’ I really wanted to meet his wife and daughter because he would share his experiences with them at our group meeting.  We greeted each other in the same way as usual with a big hug.  His wife was feeling ill and he tried to contact me to cancel.  Since he couldn’t, he and his wife agreed that he should still meet with me.  How considerate of them.  I asked if he was certain and he was.  We decided to eat. 

Our conversation was amazing.  I felt like I was with an old friend from childhood or with a brother that I just didn’t meet yet.  We had many interesting topics to go over and because we both are intuitive we bounced ideas around about spirituality, divine love and community.  Our Indian food got cold, as we spoke for at least 3 hours. We gave each other encouragement on your individual journeys and praise for the hard work we just completed.   Even as we parted we hugged and gave each other a high five!

I was on a high, there were people in the world that sees life the same way I do.  I felt joyous and expansive.  I start to walk toward the subway.  ‘What’s that sound?’  It was drums.  OH, my God!  I was heading toward a sacred Aztec drumming circle. Was this for real?

My heart was calm and as I drew closer, the reality hit me. It was real!  I sat and watched for a few minutes.  There were men and women dancing in unison in a huge circle.  Each dancer had a red sash around their waist and danced in bare feet.  I so badly wanted to join, yet I knew I had to be invited to the sacred circle.  One of the male dancer notice a few people eager to participate and I was one of them.  I didn’t have an offering to share with the circle and another man gave me some tobacco.  I was receiving gifts from the universe in every way.

I shared my gifted offering to the circle and we danced.  The earth shifted under my feet.  I was out of sync with the group but they still encouraged me to continue.  I was so humbled by the experience and the knowledge that they shared with me that night.  I participated in blessing and showing gratitude to the four directions, heaven and earth.   After the dance, I was asked to hand out the offerings of food to each person that was involved in the circle.  I bowed to each person and shared a smile.  The experience was one I would never forget.

It was a long night for me in my goddess dress and I was tired from the vigorous dancing.  I returned home to my children that where enjoying pizza and video games.   I shared the story of the drumming circle and we laughed together.  That night, I returned home as a different person.  I knew that I will be dancing to the beat of my own drum.